"From the Book Jacket: Dear ridiculously attractive person who just so happens to be holding Tasteful Nudes in his or her soft and supple yet commanding hands, Hi. My name is Dave and this is my very first collection of essays. As you can probably imagine, it pretty much has everything. In fact, if you like stories about stolen meat, animal attacks, young love, death, naked people, clergymen, rock-n-roll, irritable Canadians, and prison, you have just hit a street called Easy because my book talks about all that stuff and a bunch of other stuff too. Getting back to that prison thing for a second though, I can think of almost no place better to read my book than from within the confines of a correctional facility. For starters, you will definitely have the time. Also, cozying up with a good book in front of your fellow inmates is a great way to show them a softer side that for some reason no one ever wants to hear about in the yard. Fear not though, non-convicts: my book makes for a solid read outside of prison too. At the beach, on the subway, while whitewater rafting, during couples counseling, under local anesthesia--I have personally seen to it that my book is totally readable in all these scenarios as well as most other scenarios out there today. It will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even think so much that it will make you forget all your problems while simultaneously creating a few new ones. In limited instances, it has been known to cause severe dehydration and the occasional groin pull, but honestly I don't know what that's about. That said, it's probably not a bad idea to keep a glass of water handy and really stretch things out before strapping yourself in for a literary thrill ride you will want to experience again and again until you are either dead or your eyesight fails completely, whichever comes first. In fact, if I end up being wrong about any of this stuff, you can kick me right in the privates. Also, I will send you a nice ham (serves twenty). In short, you really can't lose on this one. Your man, Dave Hill"--

"Dave Hill is like any other guy just trying to make it through life. He has accidentally arranged a lunch with a high-end prostitute, he's become an unwitting accomplice to the theft of three hundred pounds of meat, and he's lost his innocence to a Japanese toilet. Average, run-of-the-mill stuff. His collection of mind-blowing (and mildly superlative) essays recollect real life experiences of a grown man who hasn't borrowed money from any of his family members in a seriously long time. Nearly every page is packed with red-hot action, startling emotion and borderline futuristic insights all delivered in scorching and largely grammatically correct verse. Dave Hill wrote this book mainly to make people laugh. Let's face it, Dave H ill wrote this book mainly to make people laugh and maybe touch a few hearts. And if it ends up leading to sex for him, well that's just a bonus"--