Teenager Porter Minter arrives in Castlecrankie in a car that has no door handles. In the boot is a suitcase. In the suitcase is a boy. In the boy is the future and past. The Armpit of the Universe wasn't Porter's destination of choice, and he's shocked by what he finds there. Teenagers are disappearing. JFK is skulking in the schoolyard. Crop circles are appearing. Perhaps Porter and his scheming parents aren't the town's only new arrivals. Armed only with a genuine designer bag and his razor-sharp wit, Porter sets out to confront evil ... and look fabulous.