This is your survival guide in the linguistic minefield that is 'Lanky' - an indispensable phrase book for the 'foreign' visitor as he attempts to communicate in deepest Lancashire.

Would you like it if you were the recipient of a Wigan kiss?
Should you go to a Lanky dinner at lunchtime or a tea at dinnertime?
If someone refers to you as an old stocking top, what should your attitude be?
What are the real identities of Gracie Chips and Willy Eckerslike?
Why does a Lanky Chauvinist Pig always carry two short planks under his arm?
If the answers to these questions flummox you and give you yedwarch, then you NEED Lanky Spoken Here!