Tony insisted that Kieffer was going to get struck by lightning if he stayed out there much longer, and Kieffer responded by getting impaled through the torso with a projectile flamingo.
At this point in the story, I asked why Tony didn't just call it in and be gone, but apparently the flamingo wasn't as fatal as I had imagined. Kieffer was more surprised than anything by the spear through his gut and decided, with no medical training to speak of, to remove the flamingo stake by hand. Tony was a former boy scout, and he knew that in cases of yard flamingo impalements, you're not supposed to try and remove it outside in a ditch during a lightning storm, so he considered it his moral duty to try and stop him.
That somehow turned into an awkward slap fight, which then turned into Kieffer running a circle around Tony and then stealing his car. Somehow, he actually managed to fit himself, still fully impaled, behind the driver's seat and speed away from the scene. For all of about thirty feet, which was where he slammed the car into another ditch. By the time Tony caught up to him on foot, Kieffer had already bled out.