What if Fred Phelps wrote a letter to gay men and lesbians apologizing for his odious existence? ("I apologize for having authored a pamphlet titled 'Mother Teresa in Hell.' ") Or if George W. Bush gave a speech explaining his compassionate conservatism to an audience of homosexuals? ("Against my better judgment I partied like a rich, white frat boy so I could empathize with gay men.") This collection of imaginary letters, speeches, and interviews from the perpetrators of the most offensive, homophobic, or just plain stupid rhetoric of all time is a dream not quite come true!